Background Information

Sometimes I need some time...on my
own Sometimes I need some time...all alone
Everybody needs some time...on their own
Don't you know you need some time...all alone

Guns and Roses from November Rain Song

These simple lines, humble pages or what ever you might call them were written in such moments that may characterize every student’s life in his last year at the university. Those moments when, as a young man of 22 years, I hung my head in sadness because I was totally perplexed thinking about my future or the next step to take. I found it later quite normal to feel that way as I did when I realized that everyone was carrying the same heavy load while thinking about rent money, transport money, books, and food.

I was totally disappointed, frustrated, and indifferent to what may come because I had always in my mind the examples of those people who have worked hard and yet did not come to make it. I was expecting myself to be living in the same deplorable conditions that I have heard of bound by the same circumstances that were not all the time satisfactory. Many queer thoughts went into my head, but I was pushing them since I thought that it was not time yet for their execution. A good friend who used to plentifully lecture on topics such as modernism, postmodernism, linguistics, existentialism, literary theory and other topics did not make it and he is away passing time in a field that he doesn’t like at all. At least he thought that had found a job that might keep him away from his parents’ praying eyes and neighbourhood’s nipping chatter which is not all the time encouraging.

Thinking about the future, as for anybody else, was for me a heavy burden to bear. Nobody would easily accept to feel idle, dependent, or a heavy burden that someone else is thinking always to carry on his shoulders. I have always felt ashamed when I met the same old countrymen with their watery eyes looking at me with that kind of unshaken disdainful derision thinking that I didn’t succeed to make it. The smell of failure was filling the realm around me, and I was always afraid that someday it might befall me .The failure is more pernicious and prejudicial especially when you do not succeed to meet the preset expectations that were formed by those people who belong to your most frequented areas or social group. I do not think that if I failed, I would ever go back and live among all those people who were saying that someday I will be a brilliant teacher, a laborious doctor or a famous lawyer. I think that it would be better to roam, err and disappear away from the mocking gazes of all those who hoped that one day you will succeed. Failure as I came to know is reduced when you are far from the madding crowd of your people that had permanently associated with your unrelenting endeavour an amount of great expectations.

When you fail, nobody will say that you are not heavy to carry just because you are his brother, his relative or his son. And even if he did, he will never succeed to resist till the end. “The road iswith many a winding turn that lead us to who knows where” was always the sole answer that I got from the Hollies. Everyone has to find his way before it is too dark to search.

The following simple pages are all squeezed from my humble personal life during high school and university years. They are a testimony of my tendencies, way of thinking, emotions, endeavours and future expectations. You might find them worth reading if you happen to share the same personal traits, thoughts and expectations, but you might also consider them something of over-familiar and commonplace according to your anticipations.