Even the secluded bus stop was empty. May be I have lost the only one that I used to find waiting for me here, in the same place, the same time. Was it only a certain breaching of a settled plan? No, no, I do not think so. Something happened! Even the birds that I was accustomed to hear singing were not there anymore .Something happened, and it seems to me that all the natural components that surrounded me ceased to make me feel the same feelings; ominous shadows passed by me. I felt sad and I was aware of it. I realized that the one that I was thinking of right now was away because she did not want to see the signs of sadness and gloominess on my cheerful face .She preferred to fly away because she could not stand it; years of kindness, good friendship and motherly care were just disappearing at this moment .Are we always doomed to depart as the first day we met? I asked myself.
Can we not enjoy the “cup” of happiness to its full? The constant answer seems always to be no. We are going to depart as the first day we met. DEPARTURE was not only a simple word for me; it appeared to mean much: it was more than just moving away from a place into another direction, it was more than removing one’s self from an association with something else; it was not the same as “The train departs at noon”. Departure for me was more than all that. At this moment exactly the circumstances in which we met come to my mind. It was just by chance, we met while trying to get some rest of the exhaustive effort we made when we were searching for the room forty-seven .I waved my hand to her and she responded. I was at that time in want of somebody whom can share my loneliness and she was searching for someone too; and we both met at the exact time. I now regret all that and I know that you will do too. Now we shall depart as we first met; it looks as being hazardous, just by chance, but I can’t cease imagining you to be a certain solace sent for me.
Now you are away, in reality I don’t seem to care; but at least I would like someone close to whom I can say goodbye. I remember that I didn’t ever say goodbye with that much of tender and affection; even to some members of my family. Those moments of saying goodbye were for me those associated with a kind of unwanted pity and bad anticipations of something wring. So, I always curse such instants.
I did not really like to say goodbye, suppose we meet again; I would regret at that moment that I said goodbye. Let us just drop saying goodbye, we can just walk side by side till the first empty carrefour in that half empty street and shake hands with much or less warmth and say “For so Long”. Thus, now I am going to leave you without even thinking of the bad or good things consciously or unconsciously associated with our meeting because it only adds to my sufferance .Love, affection, care, passion, friendship and all those other well-liked notions have just been there and they seem to vanish at this actual instant. From affection I had much; in moments of humiliation I wanted not to see your face .I was afraid that you will despise me when I look coward and timid despite my Invulnerable struggle .All the people feel like that and it is a human nature .I am still waiting for you now, but it seems that it is time to leave; the leaving is to somewhere else .I don’t know where, but I can’t stop to think about the next direction since the bus is already here. Even the bus appeared to be tired of carrying the filthy and sweating human bodies with their innumerable sins and furious noise. With much effort it climbed up the hill and it seemed to perspire, and the smoke of anger was blowing in the wind.
I will write an adieu note that you will find in that perpetually overcrowded and smoky cafeteria with that bold short man who used to tease us .I felt that he was eagerly waiting for this right moment to witness the end of a simple love story that unhappily broke before its beginning. The note will exclusively contain my simple, bare, and shallow words of saying goodbye.
June 25th 2007
At 08:30 in Dakhla, Agadir
Can we not enjoy the “cup” of happiness to its full? The constant answer seems always to be no. We are going to depart as the first day we met. DEPARTURE was not only a simple word for me; it appeared to mean much: it was more than just moving away from a place into another direction, it was more than removing one’s self from an association with something else; it was not the same as “The train departs at noon”. Departure for me was more than all that. At this moment exactly the circumstances in which we met come to my mind. It was just by chance, we met while trying to get some rest of the exhaustive effort we made when we were searching for the room forty-seven .I waved my hand to her and she responded. I was at that time in want of somebody whom can share my loneliness and she was searching for someone too; and we both met at the exact time. I now regret all that and I know that you will do too. Now we shall depart as we first met; it looks as being hazardous, just by chance, but I can’t cease imagining you to be a certain solace sent for me.
Now you are away, in reality I don’t seem to care; but at least I would like someone close to whom I can say goodbye. I remember that I didn’t ever say goodbye with that much of tender and affection; even to some members of my family. Those moments of saying goodbye were for me those associated with a kind of unwanted pity and bad anticipations of something wring. So, I always curse such instants.
I did not really like to say goodbye, suppose we meet again; I would regret at that moment that I said goodbye. Let us just drop saying goodbye, we can just walk side by side till the first empty carrefour in that half empty street and shake hands with much or less warmth and say “For so Long”. Thus, now I am going to leave you without even thinking of the bad or good things consciously or unconsciously associated with our meeting because it only adds to my sufferance .Love, affection, care, passion, friendship and all those other well-liked notions have just been there and they seem to vanish at this actual instant. From affection I had much; in moments of humiliation I wanted not to see your face .I was afraid that you will despise me when I look coward and timid despite my Invulnerable struggle .All the people feel like that and it is a human nature .I am still waiting for you now, but it seems that it is time to leave; the leaving is to somewhere else .I don’t know where, but I can’t stop to think about the next direction since the bus is already here. Even the bus appeared to be tired of carrying the filthy and sweating human bodies with their innumerable sins and furious noise. With much effort it climbed up the hill and it seemed to perspire, and the smoke of anger was blowing in the wind.
I will write an adieu note that you will find in that perpetually overcrowded and smoky cafeteria with that bold short man who used to tease us .I felt that he was eagerly waiting for this right moment to witness the end of a simple love story that unhappily broke before its beginning. The note will exclusively contain my simple, bare, and shallow words of saying goodbye.
June 25th 2007
At 08:30 in Dakhla, Agadir
No comments:
Post a Comment